A quick warning to students of the Bad Girls Bible: I’ve structured this article into 2 sections. The first section covers some considerations you should take into account before deciding on going ahead with an affair. Then I get into the juicy bits on how to actually have your affair. Click here to skip the considerations and get straight to the juicy tips…
You would be surprised at how many women seriously consider having an affair. It is rarely something that “just happens,” and is usually a result of some very careful consideration. While learning how to have an affair may seem exciting and even easy to do, it is a virtual minefield of potential problems to navigate…especially after the event.
Even the simple act of picking the person to have an affair with is unlike picking a person to date, there is a lot more that has to be considered than just whether or not you get along and are attracted to each other.
A vital truth about the majority of women who consider having an affair is that their overwhelming desire and attraction to someone else is just a temporary crush. Everyone has crushes and you don’t have to act on them. If you want to transform your crush into a full out affair, here is the information you need to know and need to consider…
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Are You Sure You Want To Do This?
You are your own person, right? You live and thrive in a culture that values friends with benefits, open relationships and polyamory. So how bad can an affair be? Before we get to that, let’s talk about how having an affair can trigger some long held beliefs you may not know you have.
Self-Defeating Old Tapes
There is a longstanding cultural bias against people, especially women, who have affairs. The term “home-wrecker” is powerfully associated with being the “other woman.” That kind of association is written in you too no matter how far you have come or what type of person you have developed into.
You must be absolutely sure that underneath your desire to figure out how to have an affair there is not a hidden message that your self-worth is not all that. It can be worthwhile to spend a few sessions with a therapist just to make sure you aren’t setting yourself up for some deep seeded need for a fall.
Hanging On To Youth And Avoiding Reality
You would also be surprised (or maybe not) at how many women don’t really believe that a man can love them past their prime age of sex appeal (think mid 20s). This is a culture of youth and having an affair can be a twisted way of proving to yourself that you are still attractive, as well as punishing yourself by proving you aren’t worth a man’s devotion.
The whole aging dilemma comes out when you start thinking about having an affair. It can also be a real sign that you need to examine your current relationship. Why an affair and not a divorce or break up? No one likes to break up or admit a relationship didn’t work and return to being single, but it may be fairer to both of you to do that instead. Before you commit to having an affair, make sure you really understand your motivations for it.
Morality & Legality
There is more to having an affair than just figuring out what it means to you; there are moral and legal issues to consider as well.
Morally, few belief systems allow for extra marital affairs even if they are not physically consummated. Morality becomes an issue if you claim to be an adherent to a faith or are in a position of leadership within a spiritual community. You should also be aware that many universities and some corporations also have a code of ethics that can be interpreted as prohibiting extra marital affairs as they are considered grounds for legal action.
This brings up the next point, the legal ramifications of being caught while having an affair can extend beyond a divorce and impact child custody. That is all that needs to be said about that.
Life Isn’t A Reality Show
Many people who start to idealize having an affair do so based upon what they see as entertainment…and it’s this entertainment value that causes them to discover how to have an affair in the first place.
In movies, affairs are presented as some of the most powerful and tragic love stories. On reality shows they rarely result in more than entertaining arguments and banter. The truth is that an affair that is found out creates one of the ugliest and most toxic situations for all parties involved. Life isn’t a reality show or trashy talk show where people get paid to take a blow; people will hurt in real life if you are discovered…and they will hurt bad.
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5 Different Types Of Affairs
There are four different types of affairs you can have.
1. The Emotional Affair
The emotional affair is exactly what it sounds like. There is a deep emotional connection with a man who is not your partner with which you share highly intimate details with that person. Details that are usually reserved for someone you are in a relationship with.
While many people think that this kind of affair is harmless, psychologists know that emotional affairs are the most damaging to all involved because it involves a core betrayal of trust from which parties can never recover. They can rebuild, but a level of trust and the way things were are permanently damaged.
Often emotional affairs begin to turn physical when you introduce things like talking dirty. You’ll learn everything you need to know about talking dirty the right way in this dirty talking tutorial video.
2. The Physical Affair
The physical affair is one that is based solely in lust. This does involve a betrayal of trust in a partnership or marriage but in this day and age it comes with an even greater risk. The highest percentage of new AIDS diagnoses and other STDs is among straight people having unprotected sex… And that’s not even touching on the risk of pregnancy!
Physical affairs often happen solely due to physical attraction, but there is often an emotional aspect to them as well. If you want to learn my best blow job techniques to use during your affair, then check out the ones in this blow job instructional video. Alternatively, check out this section of sex tips.
3. The Material Affair
The material affair is one where the main draw is that you are receiving comfort, opportunity or luxury items as the main point of the affair. It doesn’t have to include physical relations. It’s usually similar to an emotional affair, except that it’s often not as deeply emotional…think more ‘surface-level’ emotions.
4. The Revenge/Control Affair
The revenge/control affair is one launched on to punish a partner who may have had an affair themselves or to show control in a relationship. If this is a reason for you to consider having an affair then you just need to stop and go get a divorce then maybe some therapy to get this poison out of you.
5. The Boredom Affair
The one type of affair that is often counted as a different type, is the boredom affair. You have an affair just because you are bored. Again, it’s unfair to everyone involved. If you find yourself getting bored with your sex life then try do something to spice it up like learning how to give a great blow job from this instructional blow job video or try one of these 119 sex positions (with professional photographs).
Still Want To Learn How To Have An Affair? Then Here Is The Only Rule You Need To Know
Discretion is the better part of valor when it comes to having an affair.
An affair, by definition, is secret. You can’t tell anyone and neither can the person you are having it with. That means no girl talk and no guy brag either.
You also have to make sure that you can’t play Kevin Bacon with the person you are having an affair with and your partner.
What does that mean?
It means that neither you nor your man should share any friends in common. Your best bet is to have an affair in a different city or state. Be mindful that it isn’t so close that someone from your home neighborhood will see you or your car, and it can’t be so far away that the sudden increase in work trips becomes suspicious.
When you embark on having an affair you have to remember that this is a boat only built for two. There is no sharing, no nights out with mutual friends and above all else – no going anywhere that your partner may go or that you will be known.
Setting the boundaries
You have to be the one who sets and keeps the boundaries in your affair because you are the one with the most at stake.
It doesn’t matter if you are having an affair with someone who is also partnered, only you are important. This is one of the reasons that any real emotional bonding will be impossible during the affair. This has to stay squarely about you and what you need and want; no negotiation and no common ground. All it will take is you bending one rule to meet the emotional need of the other person and you have upped your risk for being caught ten-fold.
5 Tips to avoid getting caught
Here are 5 solid tips that you need to remember that can help you avoid being caught.
1. Make Sure Nothing Changes
This means your hair can’t change, your clothes can’t change and you can’t embark on some new diet and fitness plan to please your new lover. You also can’t change your schedule; you just have to find the time and energy to do the affair too. Another key thing is you must keep up your sex life at home whether you want to or not. You might do well to even increase it. What arouses suspicion is change, so don’t let anything become different at all.
So if you tried out one of these sex positions on your new lover, pretend that it’s something new when you try it out with your husband.
2. Get Rid Of The Evidence
Fortunately there are now tons of apps that make it possible to hide the evidence of sending each other dirty text messages, phone calls and emails. The only thing you have to manage is how to explain their presence on your phone. Snapchat is always a good choice because it is commonly popular.
You also want to use prepaid Visa cards and mind how you withdraw money to fund the cards so there is no account evidence. It should go without saying that you should always shower and wash your hair after every encounter. It is also a good idea to carry a change of underthings in your gym bag. That is easily explainable and will do much to reduce any tell-tale aromas.
3. Tell No One That Your Partner May Know
This goes back to the idea that an affair is a secret. If anyone knows then it is only a matter of time before you are found out. If you really need to tell someone, skip the confession box and go to a therapist.
You may have a close best friend that you want to share it with. Don’t! She most likely has another friend that she is closer to than you and will spill the beans to them. And if she doesn’t have a close friend then there is a risk she will tell her partner.
4. Keep It Real
This means remembering at all times that you and the person you are having the affair with are not doing anything that implies any commitment to each other.
If either of you sense a danger of being found out then you need to be able to ditch them without blinking an eye. Don’t think it’s going to turn into the next great love affair, nothing that begins at the expense of someones’ trust and vulnerability is going to last.
Nothing that begins at the expense of someones’ trust and vulnerability is going to last
5. Watch Your Anger
Surprisingly, many women who do actually figure out how to have an affair and carry through with it find themselves getting angry and resentful at their partners and lashing out at them. Whether this is from their disappointment in the relationship or the perception they were forced into the affair, who knows? But it is a tell-tale sign that something has changed and must be avoided.
You do not have the right to be angry at your partner if you are having an affair. You can have one or the other, but not both
When It’s Time To End The Affair
There are two times that will come up that are signs that it is time to end the affair. The first is if you start to entertain the fantasy of wanting more, and the second is when you have your first close call with being found out. That close call can be as simple as your partner joking around with you and asking if you are having one. All humor comes from a place of truth.
What To Do If You Get Caught
You need to decide how you will handle being caught before you even start the affair.
This plays back into really getting to know your motivations for wanting the affair in the first place that I discussed earlier. If you confess to the affair what are you hoping to achieve? If it is forgiveness and work on the relationship then your affair was one of control and very manipulative. If you plan on denying an affair then you need to examine the impact of your integrity being called into question.
Think it through
Don’t jump to a decision about whether or not to have an affair. There are positive benefits to it too, such as all the great sex (that the Bad Girls Bible can teach you about for free), as well as an intense examination of your current relationship, your needs and whether or not you would be better off calling it quits.
As long as you don’t act on the affair, you can use it to make your current relationship better by introducing a whole new level of honesty into it. Acting on an affair very rarely turns out well. So my advice would be to never even bother learning how to have an affair.
Its entire premise is based in deceit, deception and violating trust and boundaries. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, you should consider why you would do it to someone else.
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